Dear Cyclists,

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
06/09/2014 at 10:14 • Filed to: rant

If there is a bike trail next to the road, ride on it and not the road. You can't ride at 40+mph nor do you have crash protection beyond a helmet. Even if the trail isn't in the best condition, it is still safer than the roads. So, don't give me a dirty look for yelling at you when I can see the bike trail that you aren't riding on.

DISCUSSION (65)

area man > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:16

Of course, god forbid you walk on the bike lane. "EXCUSE ME THIS IS FOR CYCLISTS"

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:19

Same roads, same rules. If you impede traffic, get off the road. Doesn't matter if you're a car or a bike. I got mad at the people with bald tires trying to make it up the hills in winter just like I get mad at the bicycles who cut lights by zipping onto the sidewalk to "become a pedestraian" and run into myself as a pedestrian. Oh, and If you're riding a fixed gear bicycle? I hope you get a job soon where you can buy a real bike. If you ride a fixed gear bicycle on the road? I hope your mental condition is diagnosed soon.

timateo81 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:19

Laws vary from state-to-state, but in general you are an uninformed douche.

thebigbossyboss > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:19

THIS!!!!!!!!!

I always see cyclists riding on a certain road near my house.....when there is a bike lane right beside the damn road!!!!!!!!! I also yell at cyclists like that.

ncasolowork2 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:21

I agreed with you regarding this exact issue until I got a nice bike. If the trail isn't in good condition the way the transitions work you're likely to flat a tire on a nice bike. A bad transition from the path to a driveway or a cross street is the equivalent to a huge speed bump. Last thing i want to do is have a 5 mile walk back home because I got a flat tire on a crappy bike path. That being said I'll try the bike path at least once. If it is good I'll use it.

Bluecold > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:21

Dear car drivers,

Do you really think we wouldn't rather be on a proper cycling path than on the road surrounded by 2 tonne hulks of metal usually piloted by complete and utter idiots that rather would run down a cyclist than tweet a few less selfies?

But seriously, if there's a cyclist on the road and not on the 'bike path', there is probably a damn good reason for not being on the bike trail.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:22

I god damn hate when they ride in traffic. Like use the cross walk instead of sitting between two cars with your doofus hand signals. I think it is ok where you can keep up with the speed of traffic but if you are putting along keep it on the sidewalk.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:23

As a cyclist....

I concur. I've also never gotten the point of road bikes.

Racescort666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:24

I'm recommending your post and I generally agree with your argument except when: the cyclist in question is serious* and obeys traffic laws. The thing is, when bike paths intersect cross streets, they have stop signs, the regular road usually doesn't. If you ride in the road, you are also more visible to cross traffic. This is an issue because people almost always stop across the bike path at the cross streets without even looking to see whether someone is coming but they usually look for vehicles on the street.

*a serious cyclist is someone who can ride at approx. 20 MPH, on the edge of the lane, pays attention to their surroundings, and doesn't wander on their path. It annoys the shit out of me when you're trying to give someone space and they keep weaving in their lane.

ncasolowork2 > vdub_nut: scooter snob
06/09/2014 at 10:25

Easier to ride faster and more comfortable on anything longer than a couple miles.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Bluecold
06/09/2014 at 10:25

But what if I've seen numerous cyclists on the trail...

spanfucker retire bitch > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:25

It annoys me when they ride in the road, but they're within their legal rights.

What absolutely, positively pisses me right the fuck off, is that they'll tell you all day and night they have all the same rights as any other motor traffic. Which is correct.

However, they then proceed to blast through a stop sign, turn left at a red light, and jump onto the sidewalk and pop right back out onto a side street (in front of a car, no less) to try and save time.

If you're going to claim the same rights as automotive traffic, you're better god damn well abide by the same fucking laws.

Bluecold > vdub_nut: scooter snob
06/09/2014 at 10:25

Your second sentence contradicts your first sentence.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > Bluecold
06/09/2014 at 10:27

Mountain bikes aren't a thing anymore?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > spanfucker retire bitch
06/09/2014 at 10:27

I can't drive on the bike trail.

Bluecold > area man
06/09/2014 at 10:28

You can't be mad at cyclists for being on the road while not being mad at pedestrians for being on a cyclepath.

A cyclists moves about 4 times as fast as a pedestrian. A car moves about 2-4 times as fast as a cyclist. Same difference, but for the average dipshit american car driver, cyclists are the devil and as such any opportunity to sling insults at cyclist is a good one.

spanfucker retire bitch > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:28

Man, dat's racist.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > ncasolowork2
06/09/2014 at 10:29

Those are both arbitrary things, though. I don't NEED to slog through 100 miles of backwoods, and I won't be sitting most of the time anyways. It's mostly the concept of riding in a 30 mile loop on the same roads every day that seems... odd to me. I live in a huge mountain biking area, too.

ncasolowork2 > thebigbossyboss
06/09/2014 at 10:29

I used to do that. Now there are times where I'll choose the road over the bike path. Depending on the condition of the bike path it can impair my ability to have children is the only reason you should need as far as why.

Bluecold > thebigbossyboss
06/09/2014 at 10:30

You must be fun. You yell at everyone that does a minor infraction (or not an infraction at all depending on laws), or do you reserve your self-righteousness for people that are not in the same type of vehicle as you?

ncasolowork2 > vdub_nut: scooter snob
06/09/2014 at 10:32

I'm not sure there's anything arbitrary about a road bike being faster. If you're not interested in going faster so be it, but the narrow tires, lightweight frame, and aerodynamic construction aren't exactly debateable. The road bike is faster. I've ridden hybrids and mountain bikes. I am super uncomfortable with the single hand position after a few miles my back gets extremely sore. You asked why road bikes exist not why people should or shouldn't use them. I gave you two very concrete reasons as to the point of them.

Edited to add: If you're going to use a bike as a means of transportation rather than exercise or entertainment I would assume getting from point A to point B faster is a primary selling point. I'd hate to try and commute on a mountain bike with fat tires.

macanamera > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:36

Dear Cyclists,

If you are in a group of 20, riding three people wide on a two lane road, please do not give me a dirty look when I use my wiper fluid squirters to violently blind you all every time I drive by. Well, I suppose you can't give me a dirty look, because your corneas are being scorched by methanol and other various solvents. I definitely have not taken the squirter on the right and twisted it slightly to completely miss my windshield and completely soak your retinas. That would be wrong. I definitely do not hope that this incredibly painful and unpleasant burning sensation in your eyeballs/nose/mouth will teach you to ride single file and respectfully on narrow roads. I totally realize that you are all training for the Tour de France and are very important.

Sincerely,

Mac

Bluecold > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:36

In that case, there are two options:

-the cyclist you saw on the road has a specific set of circumstances precluding him to ride on the bike trail (other bike type, ran out of spare tubes already, want to ride faster...)

-the other cyclists are idiots

-the cyclist you saw on the road is an idiot

But since the cyclist on the road is mostly endangering himself, you can assume that what he does is self-preservation. Don't get mad, wait a minute for a passing opportunity. There are plenty times that you'll get stuck behind slower traffic. A bike is quite narrow so he's easy to pass and if he's in any way a normal person, he'll hug the shoulder and signal if it's clear to pass. He won't do that if you yell at him. Cyclists are usually much more aware of the road than the average driver.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > ncasolowork2
06/09/2014 at 10:37

To each his own, I guess. I'll stay in the woods, not disrupting the flow of traffic, and having a grand old time. I have commuted on a mountain bike (~3 miles each way). It eliminated the need to go for a ride after work (though I did need to shower when I got there).

ncasolowork2 > vdub_nut: scooter snob
06/09/2014 at 10:39

3 miles on a mountain bike no big deal. You get much beyond that and that's when I started to get really uncomfortable. I've got a park about 2 miles away with trails that are paved. I like using that for my exercise. Plus there's a nice bike path all the way there that only has one really bad bump I have to worry about.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Bluecold
06/09/2014 at 10:41

I do wait patiently to pass, but a guy got killed riding in the same area two years ago around the same time of the morning. The dump truck drivers that drive on the road frequently have no patience, and that's what worries me. I don't want to see some dipshit get killed by another dipshit on my commute.

Racescort666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:42

I've always wanted to try it though. The bike paths around by me look like much more fun to drive on than the roads by me.

thebigbossyboss > ncasolowork2
06/09/2014 at 10:43

This bike path is good!! Paved last year yo!

macanamera > timateo81
06/09/2014 at 10:45

Tell us how you really feel. Don't hold back.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:46

Agreed I'm thankful when I find a bike lane since it's a lot more chilled than being in traffic. Every other day there's a news story about cyclists needing more routes, yet every time I ride there's someone not using them.

area man > Bluecold
06/09/2014 at 10:47

I'm not saying either are correct, just that the offender shouldn't give attitude. The only time I walk on a bike lane is when it's a true multipurpose path, on which in my experience the cyclists act like the drivers you're keen on calling out.

T off the New > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:51

Schadenfreude.

450X_FTW > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:53

Make them all wear this t shirt for starters

Kinja'd!!!

thebigbossyboss > Bluecold
06/09/2014 at 10:54

Well.

I usually just yell at cyclists and or tourists depending on how much they're pissing me off doing stupid things.

Things like not cycling on the bike path beside the road thus forcing me to wait while they go up hill at 7 km/h because it's too narrow to pass between the guard rail and the centre median.

It didn't used to be too narrow to safely pass cyclists there, but then when they repaved the road last year they built the bike path and narrowed the road and now it's too narrow to safely pass cyclists in that area.

I also yell at tourists that park in my driveway. That pisses me off also.

dinobot666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 10:56

Sadly, bike lanes are clogged up with slow moving, inconsiderate roller bladers and moms on play days pushing strollers two abreast.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > dinobot666
06/09/2014 at 10:58

They're pretty damn uninhabited at 7:15 AM

ncasolowork2 > thebigbossyboss
06/09/2014 at 10:59

The path itself isn't usually the problem. It is the transition from the path to a cross street. There's one spot one one of the roads I frequently ride where the transition is so sharp and steep that at speed it is like riding through a big pothole with fragile bike tires. I either have to stop and dismount or ride on the road. This is in a subdivision that's only 4 years old. The transition was just poorly designed. On a hybrid or mountain bike it would probably be fine. On a road bike it is a hazard.

dinobot666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 11:03

Usually roads are too. Look, there's no winning in this perpetual argument. Cyclists act like dicks, drivers act like dicks, rollerbladers act like dicks. It always comes down to an argument of who should be there, and who shouldn't.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > dinobot666
06/09/2014 at 11:05

How about they ride on the bike trail when they can, because it is way safer to do so?

dinobot666 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 11:13

I always do when there is a bike trail available, but a lot of cyclists don't because there are posted speed limits of 15 mph or even slower. This is a problem if you're training for a race or triathlon etc. But hey, by all means, continue barking out at as you drive by.

Crocket Bernet > timateo81
06/09/2014 at 11:24

Now show us on the bear where the mean driver touched you.

Kinja'd!!!

efme > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 11:33

don't get mad at the biker, get mad at the in the car in front of you who can't pass safely without risking the life of the cyclist.... so they just pace 15mph behind them.

I've ridden on the road right next to a bike path (4 mile road for you DC folks). Why? Because it is 30mph and I can easy go your speed since there is a slight downhill jumpstart. During the day it is parking on the right lane so I generally have a wide bike "path". I find it amusing when cars get mad and try to pass me then realizing they can't even drive in the lane I'm in.

Bike path would be the lane on the road. a park trail like the WO&D is not a dedicated bike trail, you're technically limited to 15mph (seriously, nobody realizes there is a speed limit on trails) and you have to deal with foreigners walking on the wrong side... 2 wide and won't yield.

Bluecold > macanamera
06/09/2014 at 11:44

Why do you let yourself go that much on people just enjoying themselves on their bike? You seriously have anger issues.

macanamera > Bluecold
06/09/2014 at 11:47

Kinja'd!!!

PushToStart > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 11:47

I brought this up to my dad one time because I was irritated from the exact same situation, (he's an avid cyclist, too) and he got all worked up because it's "their right to use the road too" and sometimes their bike can't handle cracks in the sidewalk, etc. He mentioned in some cases that it's like taking an F1 car off road.

Whatever. It still pisses me off too, but I guess I can't really do anything about it.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > PushToStart
06/09/2014 at 11:49

Did you ask him if you could drive on the bike trail?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > efme
06/09/2014 at 11:53

So, because you don't want to obey the speed limit, you ride on the road?

PushToStart > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 11:56

no, I don't think that would've ended well haha

efme > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 13:00

i want to go faster than 15mph so i use my legal right to ride on the road and do so.

it is a faster, more direct route so I take it. makes sense to me.

thebigbossyboss > dinobot666
06/09/2014 at 14:27

Posted speed limits on bike paths are meant to be ignored. I went 55 km/h on one (on my mountain bike) once. That would be more than 3x the speed limit.

thebigbossyboss > efme
06/09/2014 at 14:29

I suggest ignoring the bike speed limit. Hell I once hit 55 km/h on a bike path where the "speed limit" is 15 km/h.

efme > thebigbossyboss
06/09/2014 at 14:42

don't get me wrong, when there is no other way, i'll just bike at my speed. but when there is more or less a bike lane where i can go with flow of traffic, i'll choose that.

Axial > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
06/09/2014 at 17:15

I don't mind cyclists on the roads.

I do mind cyclists on the road riding three-abreast when it's a two lane road with a 50 MPH speed limit. There is no excuse for that. None.

piratehaole > spanfucker retire bitch
06/09/2014 at 22:09

They do have the same rights. The right to follow the law and keep to the right with all the other slower traffic.

And someone should tell my speedo that I'm really not going 40+. It keeps saying I'm going 55 on my sprints around the buses.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > vdub_nut: scooter snob
06/10/2014 at 00:57

The appeal is that if you want to go somewhere, and want exercise, you replace your car with a bike.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Bluecold
06/10/2014 at 01:08

I average 14-21 mph on my hybrid, but have gone as fast as 33. When I ride on the road (which is always because its illegal to ride on the sidewalk), I ride as far over as possible. Sometimes I have to ride in lane, I live in colorado where potholes are everywhere, I need the room to avoid them. You dont wanna hit a pothole at 20mph on a bicycle. But for my own safety, in bumper to bumper traffic and/or when at a red light I always move in lane so that cars dont creep next to me, if I am at a stoplight, I move back over as far as I can once I clear the intersection, I do these things for MY safety. I also sometimes move over to a turn lane (because when I ride, I'm going somewhere and Bike Paths dont always go where I'm going) I always utilize turn lanes in a way that makes it easy for me to give lots of room to cars and move over as quickly as possible.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > efme
06/10/2014 at 01:12

I love riding in school zones, because its SUPER easy to keep up with traffic. Ive actually sped in a school zone on my bike, it was hilarious! But only by like 2-3mph so it wasnt unsafe, if I was in a car I probably wouldnt get a ticket.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > thebigbossyboss
06/10/2014 at 01:15

except on the weekends and in the summer, there are bike cops giving tickets that go towards your drivers license.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > macanamera
06/10/2014 at 01:21

You do realize that if you blind the lead cyclist, he will fall, then all the other cyclists behind him will fall on top of him with their bikes, and the lead cyclist would probably be paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life, if he survives at all.

thebigbossyboss > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
06/10/2014 at 05:48

Really? Here bike path speed limits are completely unenforced.

macanamera > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
06/10/2014 at 06:54

Kinja'd!!!

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > macanamera
06/10/2014 at 15:42

thats not funny

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > thebigbossyboss
06/10/2014 at 15:47

not in denver, here its a major revenue source.

macanamera > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
06/11/2014 at 07:13

don't be mad.

DannyW > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
08/12/2014 at 01:45

Thanks for your concern for the safety of others. The answer is still no. Also, if you're too fragile to handle dirty looks, don't go around harassing people who are minding their own business.

Are you always such a diva?